I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
