i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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