is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Rumble strips road head = magical
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
