just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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