in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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