You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
