You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
