Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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