Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
