she woke up with a sticky ear
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
