you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
