u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
