Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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