I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
