I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
