My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize