I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
