I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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