Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This house was built for laser tag.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
