If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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