Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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