They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
