Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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