She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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