i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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