Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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