Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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