Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
