My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
