Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
