Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
