So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
