so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
