I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
