Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
