I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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