Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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