help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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