she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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