My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize