just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
