you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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