apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
