loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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