I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
