the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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