My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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