did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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