he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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