There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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