I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize