And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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