But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
