just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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