go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
