I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
