the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
