I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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