it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
