We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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