: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
