I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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