Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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