R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
