My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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