I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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