He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
